Been thinking about typing this and really didn't wish to find myself reading this again one day... But Mr Ling reminded me that I need to responsible to people who believed in me and trusted me and the brand. I asked him what are the consequences on this blogpost and all he replied calmly was 'I don't see any consequences at all'
2015.... has been a very difficult roller coaster ride. As much as I try to be positive about it, it does sting (maybe the hurt is still 'raw') from time to time again. Theres just so much to talk about for 2015 and all are squashed up in my brains, hence I decided that I will put them in order for easy reading...
If any one of you recalled 2014 December, I made an announcement that I will pull out from Big Box. This huge investment (for small timers like me) has led me into an approximate of $60,000 debt. I used to be so happy and confident with no financial stress. Well, it wasn't a lot, but definitely not in the red. It was a very painful period where suppliers chased me every week for money and all I could think of how to find money. Mr Ling helped me tremendously ( I really cannot ask for more already, he helped me too much) and was my pillar of support. I did managed to pull through and in 2015 February, I was so thankful that I paid up 90percent of my debt in a mere short 1.5 months.
But happiness didn't last too long. By March, I had to make an important decision as to whether I had to leave Far East Plaza or to venture new space. Mr Ling and I did all the calculation and thought out the risk. I am extremely sensitive to the plus size industry in Singapore (and I work darn hard by doing loads of reading and forecasts) so I KNEW that moving out to Far East Plaza was necessary. I needed to improve on my selection of apparels and products because I knew that my promise to customers on improving Kaylene was way overdued. I needed to make a decision to take another round of painful and tiring round of 'financial depletion in our bank account'
July was the kick off for 38A Seah Street. Remember I barely cleared off the RED zone only in Feb, how am I to produce additional 2.5times of the stocks just to sustain for the 1 month launch? A little info incase you are not aware, our boutique has expanded from 375sq ft unit to a 1772 sq ft space. Can you imagine how much of investments I needed to put in to make sure that I can fulfil customers needs and wants? Again I was back in the RED. Oh my gosh, for someone who has been comfortable with finance to 2 reds in less than 6 months, It was a freaking big deal for me. I couldn't take it, I knew it was necessary but my mind was not in the right state at that point. Mental wise I wasn't in the best shape.
Shortly after, in September, I pulled myself out of this and I was so proud of saying it is time to build up the finance all over again. I was so ready to go and then came an email which I LOVE and HATE so much. Mercedes-Benz STLYO Asia Fashion Week invited me to showcase our work in KL. For those who are unaware, it is a FREAKING BIG DEAL for indie plus size shop like me. Kaylene for the ONLY plus size boutique to represent on the main stage (YES, not small stage) and it is almost every designers dream, and that is to showcase the works to the rest of the world. BUT BUT BUT, I barely recovered from my finance! Mr Ling once again told me that this is something which we will never get a 2nd chance. I thought about how much this project can increase Kaylene's portfolio and bring the brand to the next level. You may say I am silly and theres no need to brand Kaylene at this point of time. But no, in my honest opinion. The whole 8 years journey to what we have achieved this far was only to ensure that there is a value add to all customers. To us, branding is part of value adding to our customers and because of this, I took up the project which estimated to cost $12,000.
During this period, I was diagnosed with 2 things, pre cancerous cells were found and also 'unidentified cells' The doctor told me that I had to do MRI scan immediately and gosh those are a hell lot of moolah. I just kept paying and paying. Yes, I have insurance, but upfront cash first remember? Again, allow me to highlight that I was barely afloat for my finance.. Thank God, the results shown that there was no cancers spread to other parts of my body (I don't really know why he said those) but I needed to continue to fix my pre cancerous cells. Medication and further D and C (some day procedure) is needed.
Today is December that that simply summarised the whole year I have gone through. It is really scary roller coaster and sometimes I wonder why the heck I have to go through all these. But I thought hard about it. These were necessary moves for the better of everyone. It is painful, but definitely for the better.
I had learnt a lot from this years of lesson actually and I am so glad I have realised these despite the crazy stress I have. I have learnt that I have an extremely wonderful team and family to stand by me. I remembered declaring this to my girls just 1 day before the official VIP party, 'Girls, I have $296 left in my bank as of till today. I don't know how I am going to make it work, but lets do it' They told me that they will stand by me and work damn hard to ensure I will cover back all the 'losses' in no time. And they did honour their words. My family is best too, they helped my financially and kept telling me that everything is going to be fine... This is something not everyone gets to hear and I am extremely thankful for that. I also learnt that I have a super wonderful husband who didn't judge me and my decisions. We were so broke once till we joked who has the lesser digits in our bank account. For him to go through this with me, I sometimes find it embaressing to be his wife.
The important thing I have learnt about this 2015 journey is that I am stronger than I think I am. And I tell you, whoever is reading this and going through whatever painful circumstance you encounter, TRUST ME, you can overcome it and you are stronger than you think. I know my story may not be terrible enough etc, but everyone has their own 'terrible' moments. If I am to compare to someone who is dying with illness, I am considered very fortunate and I KNOW THAT. So to whom may be going through tough times, You are a lot stronger than you think. It is times like this, then you will know how incredible you are. Last but not the least, I found that despite all the financial difficulties I have finally pulled through (yes, I have conquered the debts, well except Mr Lings, give me a few more weeks babe!) we still managed to give back. I know I don't have big budget to do it, but every single bit counts. This year we are not doing 1 but two charity donations (together with friends like Prissy from Pristique Make Up Artistry and Karen from Pure to the Power of Crystals.) It was purely by chance I got a way to help little children in Cambodia! It must be God's calling or something, because the opportunity to give back was through a customer!
So there, this is my 2015. What was yours like? After typing this blog post, I will be preparing myself for 2016 forecast. I am so determined not to go through a '2015' again and I am so going to make sure it wont happen again! For it is time for my staffs to stop worrying for me, anxious for me. For it is time for me to start really understanding what life is all about and not run like a headless chicken.. I am going to make it things change and I know I will be able to do it. So now the question is, 'will you stay with me and ride through 2016 and do you trust that I can make it through this upcoming year?
Before I sign off, remember that you are stronger than you think, more awesome than you believe and more beautiful than you think...
Kayde Ling
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